Starting with a quote:
"One out of every four men believes he's in love on the first date with the special woman . But only one out of six-plus women thinks she is in love even by the Fourth date" Jane Barr Stump, PhD.
The image portrayed by the media is the opposite of the above. It also is opposite of what I thought when I was younger.
Twenty years ago a singles pastor told me that he was having trouble when talking with men and women that had recently started dating. He said the men were further along on the relationship road than women were. I have since heard it multiple times from pastors, Psychologists, counselors, books and from my female friends.
I am not immune to this phenomenon. I have twice pursued women that had no interest in me. Either at the exact moment, or a short time later, after I had given up, they started liking me.
I believe this is because men, and I, compartmentalize everything and when a women fits the image of what we are looking for we start falling pretty quickly.
On the lighter side:
Re quoted from the Mt. Hermon 2008 Christian Writers Conference,
"I might not be much , but I am all I think about"
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10 comments:
Fascinating. And you're right. This isn't the image the media portrays!
So, what is the practical response then, if anything?
(Oh, and I loved your funny quote at the bottom.)
l.l.,
I am processing the answer to this male/female difference and will add more definitive answers to a future post. I am pretty sure it has to do with men, including myself, not reading women's signals very well.
Otto, this reminds me of some of the things I've seen coming out of the Love Lab and Dr. Medina's work at Brain Rules.
Here's a link to Medina's stuff on gender:
http://www.brainrules.net/gender
Looking forward to those future posts then. :)
Oh, and, Mark, do you mean the Love Lab that Gottman runs?
l.l. and Mark,
Thanks for the lead to the brain and relationship sites. I looked at both and spent more time at each than expected.
This is so true!! Too many guys I know are ready to plummet forward as I'm still trying to figure out if I even want to be there!
interesting stuff.
hey, i was wondering about the name of your blog... i get the first O and the H being the initials of your name...but, what is the last O for?
Nancy,
Thanks for asking.
The "THE OTTO REPORT" was already taken and has multiple listings on the internet(One is a jeweler in NYC and another is a report on WWII German war crimes).
Officially OHO is "O"tto "H"augland "O"nline but in reality it comes from:
Whenever I go to SUPERCUTS they write my name down "Otto". Then the person who will cut my hair reads the hand written tag sheet and announces to those of us waiting "Oho".
I once was waiting with an asian guy and they walked right up to him and said Oho. When I stood up they exclaimed "I thought you would be David". I didn't want to lose my place in line so I had to tell them "no I am Oho"
Kirsten,
Thanks for the observation and comment. I will be writing more on this subject in future posts. I have thearies on why this is so but I will get my thoughts more crystalized before posting
Sounds interesting! I look forward to hearing your theories. ;o)
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